Jost Zetzsche Tool Kit

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Computer illiterates around the world

Computer illiterates around the world making you appear cleverer by comparison

For people moaning about their helplessness with computers, here are some examples showing the state of knowledge in others. You are definitely better off than they are, given the fact that you have succeeded in coming to read this page! Here goes:

True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ?

Customer: A white one...

> > ====

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .

> > ====

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left ?

> > ====

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !

> > ====

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says

'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front

of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

> > ====

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?

Customer: No.

> > ====

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

> > ====

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.

> > ====

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !

> > ====

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

> > ====

A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?

Customer: Five stars.

> > ====

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

> > ====

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my

computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !

> > ====

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you

please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4

hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?

> > ====

Helpdesk: How may I help you ?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

Taken from this URL:

The abovementioned is from a posting that was initiated by me. My fellow translator Parrot added this gem:

Customer: Hello, I need to replace a broken part of my computer.

Help desk: Which one?

Customer: The glass holder.

Help desk: The WHAT???

Customer: You know, that tray with the hole in the middle that pops out when you push the small button...


tbr.joseph said...

Hi Mr.Raghavan,

I don't think people in the West are so dumb as pictured in these jokes.

It appears that most of them are the imaginations of the writers!!

dondu(#4800161) said...

Not at all Joseph. Do read the comments of my fellow translators in the URL given by me.

The other day a Frenchman was using the calculator to add 54 and 36 and was amazed, when I gave the correct answer of 90, even before he finished keying in the numbers.

As for computer savvyness, our people are way farther ahead of many in the West, especially in software logic.

By the way, do enable comment moderatin in your blog post, lest Poli Dondu should land here too.

Dondu N.Raghavan

Samudra said...

Joseph Sir, there are plenty of idiots everywhere.One only has to one where to look for.

Dondu Sir,Now that we have comment moderation the image verification thing may not be needed.

tbr.joseph said...

The other day a Frenchman was using the calculator to add 54 and 36 and was amazed, when I gave the correct answer of 90, even before he finished keying in the numbers.//

That may be true. Why a Frenchman? Did you ever see out children using their brain to add or subtract? When there was no computers we used to extract the balances of over 5000 Savings accounts every Month, total and tally with the General Ledger without even a calculator!

Do you thing the present generation of BEs and CAs could do that?

dondu(#4800161) said...

Dear Samudra,

I disabled the word verification feature.

Dondu N.Raghavan

dondu(#4800161) said...

Dear Joseph,

What you say is 100% right. But when I said the other day, it was like saying "recently" a la Dondu. That exchange actually took place in 1989!

The calculator came and destroyed the natural mental agility of children first in the West and then only here in India. It is quite sad to note.

Dondu N.Raghavan

sam said...

really hillarious !! enjoyed it. any plan to keep adding more and more?

dondu(#4800161) said...

Of course. I have a good collection including lateral thinking puzzles, which I plan to offload here from time to time.

Dondu N.Raghavan

Doctor Bruno said...

Western People are really dumb...

If not how can you imagine Nigerian Scam running for 10 years.....

And I got a mail that told my unlce has left me $ 10000000 . Only becasue some one believes this in US they are sending the mail .. Isn't

dondu(#4800161) said...

Nigerian scam is much older. It dates back to snailmail days!

Dondu N.Raghavan

Vajra said...

There are real stories about people using GPS on cars asked to "turn right now" and have driven their cars into bushes and constructions sites.

So, there are people who have ingenious ways of expressing their stupidity and this mentality is universal.

dondu(#4800161) said...

That's right Vajra. Fact is people in general cannot keep up with the progress in technology. That's the reason why VCR's were used just as VCP's.

Using GPS for ordinary driving! Here the behaviour is in the other extreme. People think that the GPS is very accurate but the technology has a long distance to cross. I should know, I have translated quite a few papers in that subject.

Dondu N.Raghavan

PPattian said...

Good humor!.. Yes, such things happen. I have compiled some that I experienced personally. Read when you have time..